For those who didn't know my daddy, one of the defining characteristics of Daddy's professional and personal lives was his expertise in the use of the written and spoken word. Daddy was a graduate of the Grady School of Journalism at the University of Georgia (Go Dawgs!). He was in Naval Intelligence, wrote for newspapers and built a career in public relations. He was very active in local and state politics, once held a seat on our local county commission and wrote many speeches for fellow politicians. As a man of deep faith, he was a deacon in our church. His talent with words, God-given and honed by practice, was also useful in his role as a Sunday School teacher. I believe Daddy would appreciate and laugh at this blog entry because while I am poking fun, I am maintaining my respect for him. Daddy loathed cruelty and despised for anyone to be intentionally embarrassed. He passed those ideals on to "his girls" as well. Anything humorous I attempt is always done with those boundaries in mind.
Traditionally women, especially down South, fear sounding like Mama. I do experience that emotion but, more often than not, it is Daddy who speaks through me. Lord have mercy, kid you not, some days I cannot fathom that somehow these words and phrases - even whole lectures - have not only survived in the deep, dark scariness that is my brain, I can actually recall them with absolute clarity. Daddy, how could you?! You know of all of your punishments, I most feared and loathed "the lecture!" Daddy didn't spare the rod but he LOVED the lecture. The lecture actually punished me by completely numbing my brain until I considered asking, make that begging, for the corporal punishment option. I will always believe that was the hidden agenda; keep talking until she begs for a whack or two. Think maybe he learned that courtesy of the Navy. The lectures did serve another purpose - they taught me great vocabulary. Daddy sure didn't believe in dumbing-down lectures for his children. In first grade I was hearing words like "discern," "accountability," "ludicrous," and "preposterous" during lecture time. He always seemed to know when I was drifting away because that's when he'd throw out the twenty-five dollar word to reel me back in.
Words were Daddy's currency, his talent. Truly a wordsmith, he made it his mission to instill in his girls a love for words. But we weren't exactly jumping with joy at having our own English teacher living with us. Having a vocabulary test on a 5-hour trip to the beach is not a thrill for a carful of kids, trust me on this! History was his other passion (another blog subject - later) and sometimes we got a two-fer; spell this and what date was that? It was frustrating and boring but became interesting and endearing, I grew to appreciate it...very, very slowly!
The first time I heard the word "demented" was in a lecture Daddy was giving to my baby sister. Beth was about six and had left her bicycle beside the porch instead of actually on the porch and it got wet in the rain. During his lecture regarding responsibility, pride of ownership and obeying your parents, Daddy asked Beth, " Are you demented?" Knowing how much our parents despised hearing the answer "I don't know" but not knowing this strange word placed Beth between a rock and a hard place. She finally blurted out "I'm not sure if I'm demented or not!" So it's march to the dictionary time. Beth is six, I'm nine and we're looking up "demented" in the dictionary; refusing to spell for us and pointing towards the dictionary was another of his favorite practices. It was annoying to the nth degree but made me an excellent speller! So we check to see whether or not this word appropriately describes behavior that would lead her to leaving her bike out. We were not happy to learn what it meant. And we're still not sure if we're demented. Personally, I think she is. (Love you baby sistah!) I actually like the word. "Demented" is a word that feels good rolling off of my tongue; "bliss" is the same way for me. Hmmm, the mention of my affection for those two words probably reveals a lot more about me than I ever realized. My poor child has herself been sent to the dictionary - not dictionary.com but an actual 2-volume set - more times than I can remember. She has also been the subject of countless lectures. And I, too, have said," What do you mean, you don't know? That's absolutely ludicrous! Was your head actually with you at the time?" I have asked her if she was demented. I try to rationalize it by not referring to it as sounding just like Daddy but by characterizing it as spreading the pain to the next generation. It works for me and I sleep well.
Another of Daddy's jewels was "That is the most asinine thing I've ever seen/heard!" I must confess I loved the word "asinine" from the first time I heard Daddy use it. I wish I could say it was because I was young and hungry to improve my emerging vocabulary. The truth is I thought it sounded like a curse word. My daddy did not curse so it seemed especially jolting to hear him use a word that even sounded like it could be a curse word. Then I thought it was cool. I found reasons to use it. It must have been very annoying to everyone around me. I'm sure I didn't care. It remains one of my favorite words; a go-to for very specific situations. And it still makes me feel a little naughty to use it. My daughter thought I was cursing the first time she heard me describe something as asinine; after accusing her of acting asinine, I then went into shock so quickly I missed her response. Asinine? When had I become my daddy?!
There are countless other examples that would make this blog interminably long but to throw out a few more of John's gems, here goes: "You're not helping if someone doesn't know what you're doing. Better to be 30-minutes early than 1-minute late. Don't sass your mother; sass me if you sass anyone." (Yeah, right! And my Uncle Ed, the periodontist, would still be replanting my teeth!) "Family is who you have when everyone else goes away. Don't fight with your sisters; I got along with my brothers and you girls need to do better." Oh right Daddy, you got along just peachy with my uncles. You threw a fork at Uncle Richard and it stuck into his calf; tricked Uncle Bill repeatedly into doing your dish duty; you and Uncle Roy tried to electrocute Uncle Richard because you wanted to practice what Uncle Roy had learned about conductivity! Y'all were just shining examples of sibling love and understanding. Family values - ha - Addams Family values maybe!
The one thing he said that cuts through them all and that I truly hold dear to my heart is what he told us after we grew up. He said, "Girls, I want you to always love the Lord, stick together - and take care of your mama. We're trying, Daddy, we're trying. Guess it's not so bad to be just like my daddy. I sure do love him and I miss him every day.
You made me cry on this one! A lot of the same verbiage I heard from mama growing up. "Oh, What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive", that was another one of his that was funneled through her. Funny, I remember being at Ft. Gordon and going to the house for dinner one night and afterwards we sat on the couch and he put his hand on me and told me the same thing, "Son, always love and trust the Lord and he will guide you in everything." I remember like it was yesterday.
ReplyDeleteHe also taught me God, family and work... in that order! He truly was a special man to me and I too miss him all the time. He was the only man besides Dad who spoke to me and and had conversation with me as an adult. Never dumbing it down as you alluded to. While certainly not perfect, he was really close to it in my book and I sure do miss those big strong hugs that would hurt, but they sure made an impression that I remember to this day.
Great read AH!!! I Love you.
So pleased you liked it, Todd. Your comments are precious to me. There's so much I could write about Daddy - his encouragement, his belief in women as equals (long before it was popular - w/4 girls whatdaya gonna do?); and like you wrote, his prioritization of God, family, work. He truly balanced that so well and sacrificed promotions & what the world considers social standing to be a family man. So much material and plenty about Mama, too. Guess that's more material for the blog, huh? Watch out, you'll probably end up here, too. We spent a lot of time together, hmmmm....Love you, son!!
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