Emily Post Would Weep

The crassness level of the general population is simply, ridiculously high. Trying to enjoy a cup of joe w/my daughter at Starbucks and the dinkus sitting next to us was talking on his phone...using push to talk. Not only were we blessed to hear him & the man at the other end - we got to hear some woman obviously on the extension. My word, don't get me all up in your 3-way! Gave him my "be quiet in church" look; too tired to ask him to politely stifle himself so we left (my kid was soooo relieved!) Today the guy in front of me in the check out line at Walmart relieved his gas pressure in a manner that was both audible and quite offensive to my olfactory system! Maybe he should buy some gas drops to go along with the 6 huge bunches of broccoli?!

And since when is being rude acceptable as long as we disguise it as being honest and forthright? Please, it's an excuse to demean, humiliate, make oneself feel superior. Take your pick; of the many combinations that go into making a person believe it's okay to act like a jackass if his remarks are honest or feels the object of his remarks "needs" to hear it, passive-aggressiveness is my favorite dysfunctional behavior. If you are around a person like this long enough it becomes easy to spot and you can prepare. The worst of these offenders is the "stealth attacker." This one seems perfectly sociable but if he even senses some offense by, or short-coming of, another that he deems necessary to point out - watch out! Not only will he call you out, he will do it in front of at least one other person (sneaky yes but not without an audience) and he's not happy with one strike. After his barb hits the sweet spot like a snake strike, he will knock you into the dirt, stuff sand in your mouth and make sure you can't get up - at least for the foreseeable future. Just as quickly as he struck he puts his fangs away until next time. And it's the next time part that's tricky. You can rock along for a while and become lulled into this place where you think you're safe. You're under the radar. And, BAM! You're panting from the blow. The Bible describes it best in 1 Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour." Jesus gave His children advice about it: "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16

My parents were sticklers regarding good manners. Etiquette was, and remains, important. It also was not seen as a 10-foot pole with which you whacked others over the head. It is as much about the respecting the feelings of others as it is about what is and isn't proper. Daddy was particularly vigilant about our education in this area. His pet peeves gave birth to his most reiterated instructions - don't comment on other people's plates, don't embarrass someone if you can avoid it, talk privately about personal matters. My sisters and I knew we better not say "Eww!" or "Why are you eating THAT?!" or we'd get a lecture titled "Don't comment on other people's plates." We knew if we said something to embarrass someone else - even if we meant it as a joke - we knew the lecture that followed would be entitled,"Don't embarrass someone if you can help it - and you could help it!" I think you get the idea. Mama and Daddy believed it made you a small, petty person if you set out to demean someone else or tried to appear superior to them. They believed class was not tied to position or money but to the way you carried yourself and treated those around you. I agree. Some of what they taught me really did sink in!

Manners are supposed to smooth the wheels of everyday interactions. So, hang up your phone and excuse yourself to the restroom - or say excuse me when you can't. Oh and one more thing...make that two: Fellas - pull up your pants. Ladies - vagina is a body part not a hem length! (Sermon over, go eat some chicken!) 'Night and love to all y'all!

Pearls of Wisdom From Daddy (Help - I Sound Just Like My Daddy!)

The blog was a bit overdue but as the subject is my daddy I wanted to give it my due diligence.

For those who didn't know my daddy, one of the defining characteristics of Daddy's professional and personal lives was his expertise in the use of the written and spoken word. Daddy was a graduate of the Grady School of Journalism at the University of Georgia (Go Dawgs!). He was in Naval Intelligence, wrote for newspapers and built a career in public relations. He was very active in local and state politics, once held a seat on our local county commission and wrote many speeches for fellow politicians. As a man of deep faith, he was a deacon in our church. His talent with words, God-given and honed by practice, was also useful in his role as a Sunday School teacher. I believe Daddy would appreciate and laugh at this blog entry because while I am poking fun, I am maintaining my respect for him. Daddy loathed cruelty and despised for anyone to be intentionally embarrassed. He passed those ideals on to "his girls" as well. Anything humorous I attempt is always done with those boundaries in mind.

Traditionally women, especially down South, fear sounding like Mama. I do experience that emotion but, more often than not, it is Daddy who speaks through me. Lord have mercy, kid you not, some days I cannot fathom that somehow these words and phrases - even whole lectures - have not only survived in the deep, dark scariness that is my brain, I can actually recall them with absolute clarity. Daddy, how could you?! You know of all of your punishments, I most feared and loathed "the lecture!" Daddy didn't spare the rod but he LOVED the lecture. The lecture actually punished me by completely numbing my brain until I considered asking, make that begging, for the corporal punishment option. I will always believe that was the hidden agenda; keep talking until she begs for a whack or two. Think maybe he learned that courtesy of the Navy. The lectures did serve another purpose - they taught me great vocabulary. Daddy sure didn't believe in dumbing-down lectures for his children. In first grade I was hearing words like "discern," "accountability," "ludicrous," and "preposterous" during lecture time. He always seemed to know when I was drifting away because that's when he'd throw out the twenty-five dollar word to reel me back in.

Words were Daddy's currency, his talent. Truly a wordsmith, he made it his mission to instill in his girls a love for words. But we weren't exactly jumping with joy at having our own English teacher living with us. Having a vocabulary test on a 5-hour trip to the beach is not a thrill for a carful of kids, trust me on this! History was his other passion (another blog subject - later) and sometimes we got a two-fer; spell this and what date was that? It was frustrating and boring but became interesting and endearing, I grew to appreciate it...very, very slowly!

The first time I heard the word "demented" was in a lecture Daddy was giving to my baby sister. Beth was about six and had left her bicycle beside the porch instead of actually on the porch and it got wet in the rain. During his lecture regarding responsibility, pride of ownership and obeying your parents, Daddy asked Beth, " Are you demented?" Knowing how much our parents despised hearing the answer "I don't know" but not knowing this strange word placed Beth between a rock and a hard place. She finally blurted out "I'm not sure if I'm demented or not!" So it's march to the dictionary time. Beth is six, I'm nine and we're looking up "demented" in the dictionary; refusing to spell for us and pointing towards the dictionary was another of his favorite practices. It was annoying to the nth degree but made me an excellent speller! So we check to see whether or not this word appropriately describes behavior that would lead her to leaving her bike out. We were not happy to learn what it meant. And we're still not sure if we're demented. Personally, I think she is. (Love you baby sistah!) I actually like the word. "Demented" is a word that feels good rolling off of my tongue; "bliss" is the same way for me. Hmmm, the mention of my affection for those two words probably reveals a lot more about me than I ever realized. My poor child has herself been sent to the dictionary - not dictionary.com but an actual 2-volume set - more times than I can remember. She has also been the subject of countless lectures. And I, too, have said," What do you mean, you don't know? That's absolutely ludicrous! Was your head actually with you at the time?" I have asked her if she was demented. I try to rationalize it by not referring to it as sounding just like Daddy but by characterizing it as spreading the pain to the next generation. It works for me and I sleep well.

Another of Daddy's jewels was "That is the most asinine thing I've ever seen/heard!" I must confess I loved the word "asinine" from the first time I heard Daddy use it. I wish I could say it was because I was young and hungry to improve my emerging vocabulary. The truth is I thought it sounded like a curse word. My daddy did not curse so it seemed especially jolting to hear him use a word that even sounded like it could be a curse word. Then I thought it was cool. I found reasons to use it. It must have been very annoying to everyone around me. I'm sure I didn't care. It remains one of my favorite words; a go-to for very specific situations. And it still makes me feel a little naughty to use it. My daughter thought I was cursing the first time she heard me describe something as asinine; after accusing her of acting asinine, I then went into shock so quickly I missed her response. Asinine? When had I become my daddy?!

There are countless other examples that would make this blog interminably long but to throw out a few more of John's gems, here goes: "You're not helping if someone doesn't know what you're doing. Better to be 30-minutes early than 1-minute late. Don't sass your mother; sass me if you sass anyone." (Yeah, right! And my Uncle Ed, the periodontist, would still be replanting my teeth!) "Family is who you have when everyone else goes away. Don't fight with your sisters; I got along with my brothers and you girls need to do better." Oh right Daddy, you got along just peachy with my uncles. You threw a fork at Uncle Richard and it stuck into his calf; tricked Uncle Bill repeatedly into doing your dish duty; you and Uncle Roy tried to electrocute Uncle Richard because you wanted to practice what Uncle Roy had learned about conductivity! Y'all were just shining examples of sibling love and understanding. Family values - ha - Addams Family values maybe!

The one thing he said that cuts through them all and that I truly hold dear to my heart is what he told us after we grew up. He said, "Girls, I want you to always love the Lord, stick together - and take care of your mama. We're trying, Daddy, we're trying. Guess it's not so bad to be just like my daddy. I sure do love him and I miss him every day.